Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
