Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
