who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize