UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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