dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
