I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
