i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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