Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
