Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
