the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
