She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
