did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
