Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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