Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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