You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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