just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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