Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
FUCK WHALES
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
