Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
