You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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