end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
