he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
