I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
