My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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