my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize