I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I enjoy the company of your penis
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
