I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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