don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Randomize
