Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I faked an abortion last night.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
