I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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