I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize