I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
