for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
