They should really pass out barf bags in church
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
