if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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