Umm I'm too high to move.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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