The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
