is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
