It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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