i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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