like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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