I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
