Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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