So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize