I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
