So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
