oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
