Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
