i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
