I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
