I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
