so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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