My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
