You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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