Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I cut my penus on the lid.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
