I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize