Sponge bath it is.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize