what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
