My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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