i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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