she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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