I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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