Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize