According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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