So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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