I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
