did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
