we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize