The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
