i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
