So drunk, too bad you don't want this
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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