The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
