i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
