btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
