I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
