i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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