i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
