is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
