You don't have asthma, your pregnant
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
