When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Everclear isn't food dammit
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
