You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize