He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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