He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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