What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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