made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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