Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it because I queefed?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
