I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I AM VODKA MAN
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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