i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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