I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize