Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
