I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
