Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She even gives head with a lisp.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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