we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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