Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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