My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
