are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
