Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
