then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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