Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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