just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
