Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
