i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
