I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
As shirtless as possible
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize