i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
