is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
there is glitter all over my balls
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