Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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