Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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