Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Randomize
