I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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